Once upon a time! In a special place, in a special period of my life, fate played its game, played it well! It was the very first time I met someone! Someone who became very very special to me also! It’s irrelevant to the story, but it’s really worth mentioning that it was the same day, it in was March 2005! Anyway! To give you the correct order of specials! The special person took me to the special place in a special period of my life and of course… something special happened!!

I decided to step in this small little tent and ask the fortune-teller to read my future! I can’t forget how the wide smile on her wrinkled old face turned into a terrifying pale look! Was deep and full of pity on this young dude! She returned the money back and begged me to leave! I don’t know whether it’s a part of the game or she really wanted me to leave, but she refused to tell me what my future is!! Do you think I left?? of course I didn’t and with my enormous pressure and constant persistence to know, she finally agreed to tell me if I promise not to give her the money, as she wont accept it for such news! Which I didn’t mind at all!! And she finally whispers to me “you’re going to die young, but you’re going to die rich”.

Found it funny to hear that! I mean, we are all going to die, sooner or later, and some other time! I will tell you how I think of death, but to give you an idea, it doesn’t scare me at all, I sometimes look forward to the experience… but what took all my attention for years was the rich part of my destiny! I am planning to make it happen 

I told this story many times to many people! Just for fun “or other purposes ” but it actually meant something to me when I realized how wrong was she!! I mean,, look at me, getting old, broke and very much alive!! The exact opposite of what she claimed it’s my future! Anyway! This story means nothing to me “or doesn’t even occur to me” when I wish to be young again! It never meant anything thing to me when I wish to be rich “ I mean nothing special about having such a widely common wish”… it freaked me out when I wished that the woman was right, when I wished to be dead!

Music Mood: [ Wael Kfoury Law Hobna Ghalta ]

It all starts after the struggle of getting a driving license ends, we get excited and happy thinking that “its over”! Well, its not! I admit that the “FINALLY” adrenaline-rush is so irresistible, it is such a feeling in all aspects of life by the way, because somehow its attached to an achievement! But it’s also deceiving sometimes, and the UAE driving license is just an obvious example of that! Because right after it, a small less-annoying matter starts! GETTING A CAR! Your own vehicle, it has to be you, you have to like it, afford it, and be comfortable switching it on everyday and let it take you places!! Among all the choices, deals, salesmen paining your ass, friends giving you contradictive advices, your few-digits payslip and your own childhood wishes you eventually feel that you achieved something when you add one more key to your key-chain!  Again! A less exciting “FINALLY” experience! And now, as we think that we can drive and go wherever we want whenever we want, the roads take us by a surprise to an ever-lasting battle called “DRIVING ON THE UAE ROADS”.

Have you ever stopped and thought of the act of driving? Have you ever noticed that it begins when you set a distention in your head? Have you noticed how we draw a route in our minds? Have you noticed how annoying it is to decide a distention without being able to figure out the proper easiest or fastest path (or sometimes both because they are mostly different)?

You think you know how to get there! You just put yourself behind your steering wheel and do what you do the best!! “Because of course you think you are the best driver” and here where the fun begins! Tight parking spots, you wonder how you managed to fit your car there, and how the hell you’ll get yourself out of there! Entering a highway risking your life everyday! Speeding enough to keep the pace! Stupid assholes speeding behind you! Slow dumbasses in front of you! Speeding tickets! Horrifying congested roads! New detours that you don’t know about! Extreme heat!  And on top of that! The possibility of fatal accidents! And instead of focusing on the road! Instead of keeping the distention in mind, instead of being aware of everyone and everything around you that might hold you back! What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?

You distract yourself, you grab the mobile! You light a cigarette! You fix your make up! You shuffle radio stations SAME RADIO STATIONS hundreds of times! You adjust the temperature of the AC every 5 minutes between too cold and too hot! You read eye-catching ads! Drink you coffee! You clean the sun glasses! Sometime 2 or more of whats mentioned above simultaneously!  And everything else that put you a situation of missing the right exist, entering a wrong exist, taking a speeding ticket, or being involved in wide range of accidents that varies between a scratch on the body of the car to multiple murders JUST BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T PAY ENOUGH ATTENTION!

In any case! Its too late now! Coming back to the right exists involves U-turns, round-abouts, tunnels and bridges! And sometimes the worst of the worst, traffic-lights! And don’t get me started on how expensive it is to take the wrong exist! Wasting time, energy, and frustrating yourself, and your distention whether it’s a place or a person! And in accidents, I just leave you to your imagination!

WELL, FOCUS! Because this is your life, this is other people’s life! Drive safe! Drive responsibly! And I am not lecturing here! It took my money, energy, spirit, time, days of my life, the most beautiful years of my life were spent on the roads of UAE to finally be able to drive! And still learning, paying more attention everyday, and focusing more on my destinations, best routes, and the safest way to reach out to you! Trying to be on time in the right place all the time! On the ever-changing roads of UAE, I am still able to find my way! And I hope one day, you too find yours, with minimum cost and maximum safety! I also hope it’s the same way!! because great minds think alike

Music Mood: [ Wael Kfoury Law Hobna Ghalta ]

(As Random As Possible)

Dude, correct me if I am wrong, I think the most educated, knowledgeable, intelligent, smart, brilliant and sharp guy ever, is the one who once declared IGNORANCE as a bless… because yeah, most of the thing I know, I wish I never did!! I bet my life was easier before…

When I tell you that I am a GIVER, don’t take it absolutely positive… its true that I might sound like I always GIVE, GIVE my heart AWAY, or GIVE my smiles OUT… but it might mean that I can at anytime, GIVE you UP, GIVE you OFF, or GIVE you IN.

Similarly, when I tell you that I am a TAKER, don’t “take” it Absolutely negative, its true I might sound like I always TAKE, TAKE you APART, or TAKE OFF at anytime… but it might mean that I can TAKE AFTER you, TAKE DOWN all your pleasures, or TAKE OVER your heart.

When (or better said) If you have a secret affair, you must have a declared one…

When you are hungry,,, everything is a sandwich… when you are sleepy,,, everything is a pillow, when you are thirsty,,, everything is a cold pint, but when you want (need) someone,, all the girls are this girl… and this is the only situation where you can’t have a secret affair,,, even if you tried.

Music Mood: [ Ray Charles - I'm Busted ]

The human’s behavior has been always an interesting topic to me, how he has some needs to fulfill, we call it basics! How he has some desires to meet, we call it luxury, how he has some fantasies to imagine, we call it dreams!! And how when a dream comes true… he reaches the summit of his existence…

The summit of existence, what an interesting way to describe a smile, a smile that comes from the deepest, the darkest, the coldest point of the human’s soul… I know for a fact that few specific human beings has experienced that… they ate, for a basic need… they silk outfitted for luxury… and they stepped on the moon for a fantasy…

My fantasies in life were never closer, from here, from this point, a step away from reaching the summit of my own existence, I really want to pause and stress on one point… when and if I make that last step… I will top all and every historical figure, even Alexander the great will have to rise again and conquers my world just to prove a point.

I am totally aware that rising up to the summit includes a great risk of falling hard… but why calculating risk??? If I fall from up there,,, its ganna be totally okay,, for one simple reason,,, its ganna be painlessly fatal. (read the title now)

Music Mood: [ For Once in My Life ]

it’s a mistake? Then I want to be wrong.
it’s a rule? Then I want to break it.
it’s a law? Then I want to be a criminal.
it’s a sin? Then I want to be doomed.
it’s polite? Then I want to be rude.
it’s ethics? Then I want to be vulgar.
it’s politics? Then I want to be a revolutionary.
it’s a risk? Then I want to be an adventurous.
it hurts? Then I want to suffer.
it kills? Then I want to die

what if it’s …. ? regardless… I just want it.

Music Mood: [ For Once in My Life ]

You know what’s also fascinating? Places. “Place” is a very interesting word to me! How common are these words “nobody, nothing and nowhere”? Think about them, have you noticed that you can be with nobody, you can be doing nothing, but you can’t be in nowhere, you have to be somewhere at any point of time!! There is nowhere called “nowhere”!! I mean, you can pull the argument of the “chicken & egg” here, but believe me,,, it’s a lost battle.

We agreed that we are always somewhere, always in a certain place!! Places are the obsession of mankind since the beginning of time!! Life has begun by moving Adam and Eve from one place to another!! Have you noticed that we are always planning to go to a certain place or thinking of leaving our current place…? OR BOTH? Have you noticed that we always moving stuff from one place to another? Have you noticed that there is a big industry called “cargo” and its all about moving things from one place to another? Places, how interesting?

There is my place, and your place, come over to my place, at his place I would do so and so, at her place I wouldn’t do so and so, I wish I can be in his place, any girl would love to be at her place, place it over a flat surface and then open gently, she has a special place in my heart, place all our employees on the new grading system, I have been placed in china for a project, who took the second place after Brazil? They placed me on a probation for 6 months, I know this place that makes the best ice cream in town, I just discovered a new place, its perfect for camping, ill report sick for work tomorrow, can you take my place please? Sam, put it back in its correct place, TOTALLY OBSESSED by placing stuff and/or each others!!

And speaking of which, man has invented the funniest places ever, we invented places that take us to other places!! Cars, boats and airplanes, your car is a place to go to another place, the industry of airlines is to move people from one place to another, sometimes you want to even to move again back to the original place!

Personally, and recently, I discovered the ultimate place ever, I discovered a place that can take me to all the nice places I ever dreamed to be in, can take me away from all the places I ever wished to leave behind, can tour the world, fly high, and land on a perfect spot… I discovered the treasure cave of ALIBABA, it’s sealed by magic, opens by magic, and full of magical treasures! I know it might be guarded by 40 thieves, but in the fairytale, they eventually die !! What’s a better place??

Music Mood: [ For Once in My Life ]

I always thought of myself as a tailor!! A good tailor actually, in a matter of fact, I always though of all people as tailors, some are good and some are bad… the tailor’s job is to scissor and sew stuff to make them fit and good looking, Sometimes, to fix something to be fit and good looking again.

A tailor is always imagining, listing and analyzing certain requirements, matching them to the subject’s body, measuring, scissoring, sewing, using his hands, his machines, pressing… ANY POSSIBLE THING, all to finally come up with a pretty and a fit custom!! But hey,,, pretty and fit means one thing, it means it’s comfortable, comfortable physically when you wear it, and comfortable psychologically because it’s beautiful and suits the occasion …

All humans seek comfort, from their own perspective, and I am as a tailor and as I human being, whenever I find myself in a situation, I seek comfort also! We are always in clothes, and we are always in situations… mmm not always in clothes though… however, in any situation, I try to tailor it, cut it and scissor it in order to be comfortable for me, sometimes I tail the situation by making it according to my size and taste, and some other times I just tail myself to fit into the situation (by gaining or losing weight for example :p)

I always managed!! Always found a way to make it comfortable, but I discovered recently that I was born with the basic tailoring skills, during these years I was fixing a button, back-stitching a broken shirt, or simply pressing and ironing these situations to be comfortable wearing them… By experience and common sense I became a good one, when situations got bigger, I needed to measure the subject, imagine a suitable design and actually grab my needles, strings and any flexible material to scissor and sew!! It was making a full custom from scratch.

Now! Its different, the situation is tough, and the material isn’t as flexible as fabric and leather, we are talking about a wood-tough situation, all my needles and strings are useless, and from a tailor, I need to be a carpenter! A real skilled craftsman with real heavy-duty machines and tools, hummers, manual and power saws, drills, screws and screw drivers!!! And spite of all the extra physical effort, I think I can and I will manage!! I will make that box and it will contain that tough situation!! I might sew a nice cover for it as well

As we grow up, our problems grow with us, and the solutions become much expensive on all levels, all I hope now, a day won’t come soon that I have to be a blacksmith dealing metal-tough situations or “god forbid” a glass-blower who needs to deal with some fragile shit!!

Music Mood: [ E7na En7abasna ]

A man is nothing but a black box! No one knows what’s inside, what might come out of it, and how it functions!! Yet, it’s full of holes. I don’t know why, or who decided to call them “senses”, but they are just holes, holes to see through, someone called them eyes, holes to hear through, someone called them ears, holes to smell and breath through someone called them a nose, (why nose is a singular word while its actually two holes?? Weird) also a man has a huge multi-functioning hole, someone called it a mouth (have you ever thought of listing all the things that you can do with your mouth??), and I am totally convinced that if the sixth sense is physical, it will be just another hole!! Moreover, there are some other multi-function holes I want to skip here!! Even if a man is referenced to one of them so often (A-hole )… anyway!! if you take it further, a man is actually a sponge because of all these holes so-called sweat pores!!

Now! man hasn’t realize yet that he is full of holes, and his fascination with it keeps on going further and further to an extent of making even new holes of his body! Man has invited the weirdest thing ever by voluntarily holing himself!! Eye-brows, ears, nose, lips, tongue, belly,,, and hey,,, guess what,,, nipples,,, NIPPLES … and also, just very close to one of the holes that I skipped before!! Have you noticed that it’s always very close to an original body hole, like ears, eyes, lips, and nipples? (YEAH, Nipples are holes by the way ) and again, if the sixth sense is somewhere it on the body, it will be a hole and next to it, the humans will just put a piercing!!

It’s not enough that they make holes of their bodies, they also hang stuff on them, THEY HANG STUFF,,, I mean! You make a hole and then you insert a weirdly shaped metal in it!! How sick is that??

Me, personally, I am most certain that I don’t want to open new holes in my body, I feel sometimes that I want to even seal my original holes shut forever!! See no bullshit, hear no bullshit, say no bullshit and definitely and literary smell no bullshit !! Specially now a days, where full-of-bullshit stupid people are everywhere, EVERYWHERE, closer than you think!!

But wait a minute, for all those who are willing to pierce themselves; there is one hole that will definitely look gorgeous on you! Its up to your standards as well, just close an original body hole (YOUR BRAINLESS HEAD)… why don’t you grab a gun, and shoot yourself on the side of your head creating a tunnel to the other end!!! It hurts a bit, but it’s totally worthy of the piece of jewelry that you’ll hang there “a stupidity-free environment” clear cut diamond.

Music Mood : [ Hava Nagila ]

in sport bars and café shops, you are highly to find big screens airing season’s football matches, you are highly to find couples watching them… have you wondered how many girls from those couples are enjoying their time… at least as much as the guy is doing??

In shopping malls, you are highly to find huge fashion outlets displaying season’s moda, you are highly to find couples checking them… have you wondered how many of the guys from those couples are enjoying their time… at least as much as the girl is doing??

Few people are able to realize that males and females are different, and even fewer people of the few people who realize that difference are able to deal with it,,, and even fewer of the few fewer are dealing with it properly,,, if you are one of the fewer few fewer, don’t read on… BUT, if you are of the majority… please take this free (free) life-changing lesson…

Emotions = Money (fact) VALUE for MONEY is an important life concept (another fact)

Based on the above facts, we can distribute people among three categories… RICH, NORMAL, and POOR… Rich people, usually seek “value” no matter of the cost. Normal people seek a “good deal” concerning value and money. And Poor people seek “cheap” stuff regardless of the value…

Same as emotions… some people they are rich enough. they have more emotions than they actually can spend, and they are willing to pay as much emotions as they can for the best value… these people are the fewer few fewer… if it’s a girl, she would go to watch a football mach, on a big screen, in bar, full of dudes, and she is aware that for such a high price she is getting a great value of the her guy’s LOVE… no matter of the price, she is seeking value… vise versa for an emotionally rich guy shopping for a skirt with his beloved girl, in a mall, full of spoiled silly girls…

Normal girls, they have an emotional calculator… HOW many times he came with me shopping? How was he acting like at that time? How long we spent spinning in the mall? Okay okay… the football game is one hour and 45 minutes, if I go with him to watch it, and act like enjoying it for one hour, I will be having the best EMOTIONS for VALUE deal… vise versa for a normally emotionally guy calculating shopping time and the amount of joy to get out with the best EMOTIONS for VALUE deal.

CHEAP girls, they don’t watch football matches at all, they are not willing to pay any price and they have no interest of getting any value.. vise versa for cheap guys who don’t do shopping at all.

Based on the above!! All of it!!! I am a multi billionaire seeking a multi billionairest… I would pay any price… ANY PRICE… for value… like shopping 24/7 just to have a true kiss… and I would love to meet an emotionally nobel-blooded extremely filthy wealthy girl who is willing to pay anything for a VALUABLE time watching a football game with me!!

POOR GIRLS.. fuck off, NORMAL GIRLS… come back again when I am a desperate 60 years old dude seeking any one! but RICH GIRLS, you are welcome effective yesterday…

Music Mood : [ A Satisfied Mind ]

I never had one! Never ever had a girlfriend, but also, and contradicting enough, as we speak! I have so many of them! And I am publically proud of it! And the best part of the whole thing that they know about each others, most of them have met already, and I just love it when all of them are there and I am in the middle!!

OH, WAIT, let’s agree on the terminology here, first of all, my girlfriends are girls, and they are friends, got it? You should get it easily because it’s “ENGLISH”. The girlfriend is the friend who happened to be a girl. It doesn’t really make sense to me to refer to the girl in a couple as the “girlfriend”,,, I mean,,, why 99% of the girls across the world also have girlfriends? Are they all homosexual? And have you noticed that when a girl or a guy trying to tell you a about one of her/his girlfriends the say it differently “GIRL[pause]FRIEND”? Just to tell you it’s a friend who is a girl!

Now, suppose it’s one of the modern language developed terms that means the female in a couple! Anyway, I think its wrong, because by referring to her as a girlfriend, It’s just WAY undermining her! Some people went even further to call her only a GF (AKA Ground Floor in most of the elevators). Now even the girlfriend sounds better than just a GF , later on will be a gf (not even capitalized), and in sometimes a G or a even g will do the job!

I never had a girlfriend (as per the modern meaning) because when I was in a relationship, long time ago, I never considered my female a girl,,, because to me, she is not Just a girl… a Goddess I would say!! (still with a G though ) And I never considered her a friend also, because she is always closer than any close friend, and because I don’t usually sleep with my friends hehe!!

So, what’s the suitable name for her? My “OtherHalf = OH” , my “SignificantOther – SO”, my “HeartKeeper – HK” … enough being romantic,, no? ill tell you why we need to give titles and positions, we need that to introduce her to other people,,, and to be honest, the most straight forward and simple way is this: “hello everyone, this is (name), we are together” Not “hello everyone, this is (name) my girlfriend” or god forbid “hello everyone, this is my girlfriend”… guess what? in the second and the third cases, everyone would remember Hamzeh’s girlfriend, where in the first case everyone would remember (name)!! so, stop trying to invent romantic stupid names, and stop using the “girlfriend” to refer to her also.

My whole point is not about girls, it’s about me, Hamzeh, I am no one’s boyfriend, I would love to believe that I never was, and FYI, I will never be!! I won’t accept that name or any other romantic, nice, or even funny name. To be honest, I would love it if you use only my name “Hamzeh” when we meet your friends without titling me or mentioning the nature of our relation, and to be even more honest, I don’t want to meet your friends in the first place!! and no offense, there is no way you are meeting mine anytime before you are a Goddess to me, and thats not anytime in the seen future!! a tip: try to earn it… so we are fine for quite sometime to come! with no titles, no positions and no ranks,,, unless you are hurried to be someone’s GroundFloor, in this case,, it wont be me, and I am not even sorry for it!

Music Mood : [ A Satisfied Mind ]